Peter Molyneux announces, apologizes for ‘revolutionary new title’

Game icon Peter Molyneux held a major press conference earlier today where he revealed a product he called the ‘most revolutionary video game I’ve ever been a part of’. Molyneux then proceeded to apologize for the game’s shortcomings immediately thereafter.

“This project is expected to take the gamer to places they’ve never gone before,” Molyneux said as he stood in front of a projector screen showing amazing gameplay footage. “Interaction with AI is at levels never before seen, there is full motion control, facial recognition, voice commands, and I’m so sorry that we weren’t able to deliver on those promises.”

Molyneux continued to showcase demo footage of other features, such as using an Xbox Kinect or PlayStation Eye camera to scan objects into the virtual world, troops responding to verbally delivered orders, intelligent enemy AI that reacts to changes in combat and shifts in numbers, all while seated on a stool and apologizing.

“We really felt that we could bring this unique game experience to everyone,” he said, sighing heavily. “This game will allow players to not only create new weaponry but customize it all the way down to the width of the blade of their sword and the weight of the hilt, but unfortunately we just couldn’t make it happen.”

Reporters and gamers alike were confused by Molyneux’s shifts in tense, but were still excited for what could have happened.

“The footage looked amazing,” said user John Abercot, who was in attendance for the conference. “It’s too bad they, uh… couldn’t deliver? Can’t deliver? I really don’t know how to word this…”

Molyneux said he expects to have more information available at next year’s E3. “But what do I know,” he concluded, trailing off and wiping a tear from his eye.

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