DC Comics to release new line of ‘topless, bouncy’ heroines


After some criticism that their recently revamped female superheroes were ‘too sexual’, DC Comics officially announced that they just didn’t give a fuck anymore and would once again re-release their female character leads, highlighted by Starfire and Catwoman, as topless “at least 95% of the time”.

“We figure, if we’re gonna get yelled at, we might as well go full tilt,” said Geoff Johns, Chief Creative Officer for DC Comics. “Most of the criticism was focused on our Starfire and Catwoman titles, so we just decided that we could re-do these books and just have the female leads go fully topless most of the time and really accentuate the bounciness.”

The re-releases of Starfire and Catwoman’s respective #1 issues will include several multi-panel sex scenes, at least two fully nude shots, two penetration panels in the Starfire book and there was some speculation that there might be “a little anal, maybe just the tip” in the second Catwoman comic.

“Internal testing went really well,” Johns continued. “We had to go through at least four or five of these issues in the first week alone. Not really sure what happened to them, but don’t really care. That’s pretty much the new slogan here at DC Comics: ‘Who the Fuck Cares Anymore’. Fits us, y’know?”

Rumors of a life-size statue depicting a lesbian love scene between the aforementioned characters being built in the main lobby of the company’s corporate offices were not confirmed, though Johns did wink at us on our way out.

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