Apple Store Genius Bars to now be staffed exclusively by PC fanboys

In a recent cost-cutting measure, Apple announced that they would be replacing all of the Apple-certified Mac technicians at their in-store Genius Bars with unpaid Microsoft and PC fanboys.

The move is seen as drastic but should help reduce overall costs for the company, says new Apple CEO Tim Cook. “As COO of Apple, I had a lot to do with the growth and success of the Apple brand, but I also respect these tough economic times. A lot of our customers expressed concerns with the cost of our in-store repair, so we wanted to make the necessary adjustments for their sake. These moves may seem unusual, but they’ll actually improve our customer loyalty and provide us with more support in the market from other businesses.”

Apple has been testing out the new program in their flagship New York City location for the past month with surprising success. One of the new unpaid technicians says he loves his new career.

“This is something I’ve been doing for years for free on the internet,” said Mac Non-Genius Richard Dempsey. “To finally be able to offer my thoughts on a more personal, face-to-face level? It’s refreshing. Oh, excuse me.” Dempsey then stepped away to the counter, examined a customer’s Mac for a period of about 10 seconds before smirking and claiming the customer should just “buy a PC”.

Customers have found the honesty from these technicians refreshing and when they do involve support, it’s much more friendly to their budget. “Times are tough, so when I went into the Apple Store and the tech told me that I should just put Windows on the computer already, it was nice to hear,” said David McAllister, a local resident and customer of Apple. “All too often, we’re just told to pour money into a problem, but now I can just go back to using my son’s old HP. Thank you, Apple!”

Apple has shied away from hiring any Linux fanboys due to their anti-Microsoft stance, but has embraced the new cost-free PC fanboys with open arms. “I really can’t wait to bring this program to all of our stores nationwide,” Cook continued. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just installing Windows 7 on my new MacBook.”

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