Leaked Comcast memo reveals plans if Net Neutrality rules failed; ‘only comcast.com’

When the final, controvercial Net Neutrality rules went into effect, it was revealed that Comcast had a contingency plan. Just in case the rules did not get added and they were able to regular their own internet traffic, they had already planned some strict restrictions for Comcast subscribers. The first part of the plan?

“Access only to Comcast-owned sites,” the memo read. This meant sites like Comcast.com, Comcast.net, Xfinity.net, Xfinitytv.com, Flyers.nhl.com, nba.com/sixers, Universal.com, and other Comcast-owned properties. Attempts to access other sites would have been redirected to the closest possible alternative.”For example, a user trying to access the New York Yankees official page (newyork.yankees.mlb.com) would get automatically redirected to Comcast SportsNet (comcastsportsnet.com). Most traffic will be redirected to the default Comcast.net subscriber page.”

The extensive plan would have required a severe overhaul of the Comcast-owned properties, disabling any outgoing links or redirecting them automatically. However, it turns out that such a plan wasn’t the most difficult aspect of the entire transformation.

“In order to better utilize the traffic flow, Comcast has begun premilinary work on an internal pornography site tentatively titled ‘Hardcore Comcast Sluts’ and will feature male and female employees from our Philadelphia home office and volunteer employees from around the country,” the memo explained. “Interested employees can email Comcast’s new Director of Pornographic Interests, Ronald Jeremy. Mr. Jeremy can be reached at longandstronghedgehog@comcastsluts.com.”

When reached for comment, Comcast executives did not have a formal message ready but explained that the legal battle would continue and that “we may go forward with Comcast Sluts anyway as internal interest has been high.”

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